Eric vonStrict

The World's Greatest Star of Stage and Screen

The most perfect person to walk the earth since Jesus!

1. He is so good looking that everyone he meets dreams about him for years.

2. He makes lemonade when life gives him lemons.

3. He is humble and unassuming.

4. His love scenes are always so tender and sensual.

5. He is a sensational actor keeping the viewer rivetted to the screen.

6. He is a brilliant director who brings the very best out of his actors.

7. He is a marvelously creative writer.

8. He uses only the finest actors in his productions.

9. He is a genius at finding the perfect locations.

10. He has a marvellous photographic eye for color and detail.

11. He promotes his films without misleading the public.

12. His warm baritone voice massages the listener's ear.

13. He speaks 14 languages fluently and uncounted dialects and accents.

14. He dances like a moonbeam on a crystal clear lake.

15. His body is like a Michaelangelo statue.

16. He creates conflict and resolution in every scene.

17. He paid me a whole lot of money to write this.

18. He never compromises his belief in the highest good.

19. He never lets the studios or financial backers compromise his art.

20. He drives a pre-WWII Mercedes Roadster.

21. He treats all people with dignity and respect.

22. He understands others' imperfections but doesn't exploit them.

23. He is a champion skier, horseman, and bowls a 290 average.

24. He glides on the dance floor like Fred Astaire.

25. He can boogie like James Brown.

26. He can sing like a robin in spring.

27. He sings the blues like Muddy Waters.

28. He is very close with Oprah.

29. He is adored by young and old.

30. He has impeccable taste in websites:A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H.I.

31. He has an extensive collection of Frank Zappa recordings.

32. He knows all the lyrics for every song on the Beatles White Album.

33. He jammed with the Grateful Dead (playing kazoo) in Golden Gate Park.

34. He has copies of all of Alfred Hitchcock's movies made in the U.K.

35. Even though he knows all the words to 'Dinah Mo Hum', he never says: "kiss my aura Dora, it's real angoura, or how about you Fauna do you wanna, or do you want some mora right here on the flora".

36. He would never do a pie-in-the-face schtick.

37. He once kicked Clint Eastwood's butt, before Eastwood got old.

38. He taught Arlene Fleamand everything she knows (in 17 minutes).

39. It's not true that he once called himself "Mitch Mindfold".

40. He taught Improv comedy in L.A.

41. He once taught Whoopie Goldberg everything but never tells anyone.

42. He won't go to Harlem in Ermines and Pearls.

43. He didn't dress in drag and go on the Jerry Springer Show as a "wayward nun" (that was Mitch Mindfold).

44. It is not true that "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner" is his favorite song!

45. He did win a cha cha contest at the famous San Francisco gay Country and Western Bar 'Homo On The Range' (but he was dancing with Billy Bob's girlfriend, Jojo).

Busted!